Sim Spiritually Inspired

This same Good News that came to you is going out all over the world. It is bearing fruit everywhere by changing lives, just as it changed your lives from the day you first heard and understood the truth about God’s wonderful grace. – Colossians 1:6

I Don’t Date.

.. Anymore.

.. For now.

Lol. No but seriously.

It’s day 3 of 366 of my 366 day boy fast.  Yes, boy fast.

I battled with God because I didn’t really want to share this with you all, but It’s not about me.. it’s about advancing the Kingdom!  So enjoy.

All my life **Kendrick Voice**, I’ve been in some sort of “relationship” with the opposite sex.  I had my first boyfriend in first grade.  I’ve never really been single.  Whether physically or mentally.  We live in an age where bae is always on our mind. #RelationshipGoals #BaeGoals.

Is our relationship with God on our mind as much as we fantasize life with bae?  Life locked up with some guy lol.. it’s not as fun as we imagine.

In the past year/years I’ve made a ton of relationship mistakes.. You name it; sexual immorality, not guarding my heart, being unequally yoked (spiritually, mentally) etc.

Thank God for his unfailing mercy, love and forgiveness!  He spoke to me and was basically like Yo, Simbi.. O ti to (it’s enough).  It’s time to focus on me.  You’re young, and single for a reason, so let it all go, and focus on me. (Matthew 6:33).

 

We take our single season for granted.

 

It’s the shortest season of our lives if you think about it, yet the one we play around with. Marriage will come however, It’s a time for GROWTH! It’s time to feed our spiritual being.  It’s time to get to know our Creator personally and not wait for bae to grow with you.  Sometimes, you’ve gotta grind on your own because God wants to show you things you can’t see otherwise.

Think about it.. How old are you? How many more years have you estimated you have till marriage? Ok, anywhere from 4-8 years, cool. After that, what happens? If we do it right, we’re supposed to be married till death do us part right? So why don’t we pause for a second and enjoy the beauty of a single life.  These are years we NEVER get back.  We only go forward from here, so what exactly is the rush?

 

Now, I’m speaking to my sisters who don’t believe in unbiblical recreational dating/testing every engine to find the right one.  And even if recreational dating is your thing.. Don’t waste your single season.

“Relationships among young people are the core of where we either lose God or gain Him tremendously”

Anyway, y’all get my point!

So why don’t I date? Personally, I’ve decided to commit to 366 days of singleness (it could be longer but we’ll start with 366).  This doesn’t mean I get married on day 367, or I stop growing spiritually on day 368.  It’s just a way for me to set clear boundaries and commit to something BIG. Therefore, I’m fasting. I’m giving it all up.  Not for anyone and definitely not to be praised, but for me.  I’m ready for God and I’m SO ready to be elevated.

Y’all probably think I’m weird now.  My apologies, christians do radical things for radical change and radical ELEVATION. So go on, judge me! lol.

I would love to know your thoughts sisters (and brothers).  Or even married adults that have been through it.  When was your single season and what did you learn from it?

Don’t take this life for granted.  Let’s plant seeds toward a fruitful future!

 


Don’t let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator. Honor him in your youth before you grow old and say, “Life is not pleasant anymore.” – Ecclesiastes 12:1

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. – Matthew 6:33

32 I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. 33 But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 34 His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible. – 1 Corinthians 7


 

 

 

 

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16 Discussions on
“I Don’t Date.”
  • Hey Simbi! I like your blog. :) I am 22 and I have actually never been in a relationship before because I wanted to do things God’s way. I don’t actually plan on getting into any relationship (or friendships) unless God wants me to be in it. I chose from a very early age to put God first and I stuck to it. It was very difficult especially in terms of friendships, it is hard to find friends that are on the same page with you. I grew through the process of it all and I have learnt to be FULLY dependent on God. Not on my grades, my friends or any other person. You know the place where God is at the centre of it all.

    Some of the methods to navigate this period would be:
    1. Take the bold step to draw closer to God than you have ever done before. Move one step higher in terms of your worship life, your prayer life and whatever kingdom work you are involved in.

    2. Cultivate a relationship with your self. Know and learn about yourself well; your spirit, soul and body. It is interesting that we tend to want to be in relationships with people and get to know them but we don’t even know who we are. It is when we know ourselves personally and have figured out what our boundaries are that we can have excellent relationships with other people no matter what their personalities and attitudes are (Oprah Winfrey describes it as being at the core of who you are or the centre of yourself).

    3. Cultivate your friendships. By now, you should most probably know your ride or die friends. Allow yourself to grow together with them. Take time out to talk about God, have nights out, sleep overs etc. And if you don’t really have any friends like me, just be your own best friend. For a long time I wallowed in self pity and annoyance because I had no friends. I prayed for friends but I wasn’t getting any. I have learnt to be my own best friend and to treasure me understanding that people go and people come and God would allow the right people in my life at the right time. I have learnt to be content without friendships. Also, if you don’t have good relationships with any or both of your parents, this would be a good time to work on that.

    4. Develop and improve on skills that propel you towards where you want to be in future. This could mean taking a cooking class, a make-up class, a writing class, a web-designing class, undergoing a confidence building activity , doing an MSc or a PhD, applying for an internship, taking bold positive steps at your work place, learning to swim or ride a bike etc.

    6.Read books! It is amazing how much you learn from books. Someone once said readers are leaders and I find that to be true as the most successful people in life read continuously and a lot of them write their own books as well. You can learn from a person’s whole life achievements, frustrations and mistakes within hours which you can then choose to apply to your own life if you so wish. Knowledge is power because when you have knowledge, you can choose to act wisely when a tricky situation comes up hence, avoiding a lot of trauma. Books like ‘I kissed dating goodbye’, ‘And the bride wore white’ et al helped me navigate my teenage years successfully. Now I am studying on the single life and dating the way God would have us date because when you follow God’s ways, your life is easy. I am currently on a Michelle Mckinney Hammond roll but I plan to get Devon Franklin and Meagan Good’s ‘The Wait’ next to see what I can learn. Apart from books on singles and dating, read other books as well. I like career advancing novels e.g. Lean In and John Grisham novels. I plan to get some Greek mythology and ancient Roman civilisation books. They seem like fun.

    7. Travel as much as you can. Know the city, town or village you live in. Try different cuisines and experience other people’s cultures to gain a better world perspective. Enjoy life as it comes!

    I am in the process going through these things as well. Every now and again, I have to make sure I am not just physically pure but also mentally pure. After a while, things you struggled with become testimonies and you give people the strength to also grow and become better (like your blog does). It is by grace lest any man should boast (Ephesians 2:8) . Just know that God has given you the grace and strength you need because before we pray, he knows what we want and whilst we are still praying, he has granted unto us the desires of our hearts (Matthew 6:8). God bless you girl! and every one else trying to live for Jesus. God bless us and help us all.

    • Wow! Thank you so much for this. I really wish you weren’t anonymous :(.
      Thank you especially for sharing your story along with priceless advice. I’m definitely going to keep it and read it over every now and then.

      I also went through a season of having absolutely no friends. Gurll.. I prayed and prayed because I had always been the popular one so it was all new to me. However, that season was super important because it allowed me to grow!! Now, thankfully I have a few sisters that I do need to spend more time with. I’m definitely excited about getting to know my sister circle better.

      To your point about reading.. It’s a constant struggle for me because I’ve never been the reader, I’ve only always been the writer. I do believe there’s so much more I could gain from reading, so I’ll take your advice and run with it! ‘The Wait’, sounds like a good place to start.

      Travel- It’s definitely something I want to do more of. I live in one of the biggest cities, yet I barely know 1/4 of it. School is always trying to hold me down! lol.

      Thank you, thank you and thank you. Please stop by again so we could continue this conversation! Don’t be a stranger. <3

      Check out this video on the DNA of a leader if you haven't seen it already : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBhxjiAjDVs

      Be blessed!

      Email: blog@simspirituallyinspired.com

  • This is something that hits home for me because like you I don’t think I have ever really been single. What I have realized is that regardless of the men that were in my life, God was still evident in my life so there was always room for spiritual growth. I completely agree with dedicating oneself to spiritual growth in Christ. I just don’t think it is realistic or as helpful as it appears to cut off dating men for a year in other to achieve spiritual growth with God. It’s just like when we say we want to lose weight and we say we will cut off chocolate, ice cream and all these other yummy fatty foods. You have decided to cut off the chocolate but what about the thing in you that yearns for the chocolate in the first place, that needs to be addressed in other for you to achieve lasting success. The problem should be addressed at the root/foundation (refer to Mathew 13:18-23, some people (like me and most ladies 21 and above) hear the word of God and really want to follow it but the worries of this world such as finding bae comes and takes the word away).

    Build a strong relationship with God by studying his word and fighting for that relationship regardless of the external forces/distractions/men in your life. There will always be something to deter you from getting closer to God dating or no dating. It is also important to be more picky of the men we let into our lives (friends and dates), if a man is not going to improve your relationship with God don’t let him in. Ask God for the spirit of discernment to know who should and shouldn’t be in your life and remember to ask him first before making any moves towards letting anyone into your life. Don’t say yes to that date if God hasn’t said yes to you.
    One of the ways God ministers to us is through the relationships we build with others. Jesus didn’t do his ministry on earth alone, he needed men and women likewise to fulfill God’s command over his life. It is almost counterproductive to cut off a tool of God’s ministry because you want to get closer to God. The problem is usually not the men it is usually that empty void in us that we feel like only men can satisfy. We need to address the void in us by learning how to fill that void with things of God (by serving, reading the bible, going to church e.tc) because no man can ever fill that void. It is easier said than done but Christianity was never meant to be a walk in the park.

    • Thanks for leaving a comment!
      I understand where you’re coming from and that your experiences may be different from mine. For me it’s not necessarily about the time frame, or the fact that I’m not dating. It’s a way to develop self-control as with most of my other fasts. My situation with guys/dating/not being single stems from a whole lot. The void in my heart, poor relationship with my father, growing up way too fast and I could go on and on.
      I know we’re made to love and no man is an island for a reason but in my case, relationships with the opposite sex almost became an idol. I can satisfy my human nature (the fact that we’re made to love) by re-channeling my energy and loving my sister circle more, loving my family more and those around me.
      So again, this is for me and if it is God’s will, He will definitely see me through it. Of course there will be temptation, distractions and much more, but that’s all a part of the process. I’m extremely excited about it!
      Thank God for your unique story and the strong woman He made you to be. I’m glad you’re able to focus on God!

  • Hi Simbi!
    Thank you so much for writing this, I definitely can relate to this. I started a one year challenge of no dating this past September. It has not been an easy thing for me to stay committed to, but I am so glad that I am on this journey because it has given me the opportunity to give more of my time to getting to know God and focus my relationship on Him. Taking this year to not date has also helped me build some strong friendships with my roommates and a few others who are also doing the challenge.
    I wish you the best of luck on your journey this upcoming year, and I hope you come out a changed person because of it because I know I have already seen a change in myself! :)

    • Hey Kait!

      Thank you for stopping by and sharing a bit of your story. Im about a week and a bit in and it definitely isn’t easy. But the Grace of God is all we need. He’s here with us and for us. Don’t give up Kait! I’m here for you.
      Thank you for the words of encouragement! I’m looking forward to this journey <3

  • I love this Simbi! I’m going through the same thing. I made a commitment to God that I will stay celibate till marriage! I felt like it was something God told me to do. Ever since I did that, my mind been clearer & my relationship with God is getting better. I told my friends about my decision and all I get is ” Omg, no more sex?! Good luck!” Lol but Honestly I’m even fine with not dating for a while. My only goal is to find out what God wants me to do to have a better spiritual life.

    • Yes hunny! Yes! God will honor your commitment. Have you heard of “The Wait” by Meagan Good and Devon Franklin? They speak specifically about celibacy. I’m telling you though, God will honor your commitment and step in. Continue to confess what you want-he hears you.

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